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What to Do When Your Spouse Serves Divorce Papers

If you’ve been served with divorce papers, you may be feeling upset or even overwhelmed. However, understanding some of the initial steps that you’ll need to take may help you clear your thoughts and plan for what’s ahead of you. In this article, we’ll explain what you should do in the days and weeks after you’ve been notified of divorce proceedings.

What Are “Divorce Papers,” Anyway?


Most adults understand the general idea of being “served with divorce papers,” but few people know exactly what those papers entail or what they mean from a legal standpoint. So what are divorce papers, exactly?

Divorce papers in North Carolina actually consist of two items: a summons and a complaint. The summons is a paper that lets the defendant (the person being served) know that they are being sued, and it also asserts the court’s power to hear and determine the case in question. In addition, in North Carolina, the summons states that you must respond to the complaint with your written answer within 30 days by serving the plaintiff or the plaintiff’s attorney and filing the answer with the Clerk of Court.

The complaint is the pleading that the other spouse filed to initiate the divorce process. (In many other states, this item is called a “petition for dissolution of marriage.”) This document includes most of the important information about the divorce filing, such as:

  • The names and the county and state of residence of both spouses
  • The date and place they were married
  • The names of any children of the marriage who are under 18
  • An acknowledgement that the petitioner or their spouse have lived in the state or county for a certain amount of time prior to the filing of the complaint (in North Carolina, either the plaintiff or defendant must have resided in the state for at least six months prior to the divorce action.)The claims that the plaintiff is asserting, which may include:
  • Absolute divorce (the parties must have been separated for more than one year);
  • Custody or visitation;
  • Equitable distribution (which is the same as property division);
  • Alimony/spousal support.

Note that in North Carolina, you must be separated for at least a year before you can file for divorce. However, you can still file a lawsuit for the other claims at the time of separation, or in some cases, before you separate. A lot of people use the term “divorce papers,” even if they have only been sued for custody, support, property division or alimony.

RELATED: How To Obtain An Absolute Divorce In Mecklenburg County

Like most legal documents, divorce papers are not necessarily designed to be user-friendly. Even though all of the critical information is there, it’s easy to miss things if you’re not an attorney, and you may find it difficult to get a full understanding of your legal situation just by reading over these papers. This is one reason why it’s important to contact an experienced family law attorney as soon as you’re served divorce papers.

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What to Do If You’ve Been Served

Being served with divorce papers can create a rollercoaster of emotions — especially if the filing is unexpected. However, it’s important to keep a clear head during this time, as the actions you take in the aftermath of a divorce filing can have a major impact on your legal case.

While you may feel tempted to contact your spouse after being notified of a divorce filing, you need to resist this urge at all costs. Instead, seek support from family and friends as you collect your thoughts and let the initial impact settle. Lashing out at your spouse or trying to make arrangements off the record can negatively impact your legal case and will only make things more difficult for you in the long run.

Likewise, talking badly about your spouse in front of children of the marriage is never a good idea, and you should never put your children in the middle of the dispute between you and your spouse. Such actions could affect your children negatively and impact your relationship with them. It will also cause the court to look unfavorably on you during court proceedings, and the problems this can create for your legal case will almost certainly make you regret it later.

Once you feel that you’ve collected your thoughts and come to terms with your initial feelings about the divorce, it’s time to take some practical steps to address your legal situation. At this time, you should:

  • Make note of the deadlines. If you’ve been served with divorce papers, the summons should tell you how many days you have to respond by filing your own papers with the court. In North Carolina, you will have 30 days to respond, and you can also petition for an extension that will grant you an additional 30 days.
  • Contact an experienced family law attorney right away. You may be tempted to represent yourself during a divorce in order to save money, and this might make sense if you have very little in the way of assets at stake in the divorce. However, representing yourself in cases where important assets and financial consequences are on the line — including property, inheritances, child support, and/or alimony — can prove extremely costly if you make a mistake.In addition, a contentious divorce that involves various types of assets can quickly create an overwhelming workload for a person who tries to represent themselves. This can take up large amounts of your time and leave you feeling overextended, which can both add to your stress and make it even more likely that you’ll make a mistake. Working with an attorney who has experience handling divorce cases is the best way to make sure that your case proceeds smoothly and that you meet all deadlines and filing requirements.
  • Start getting organized. The court will ask for a lot of information from you during the divorce process, so it’s a good idea to begin compiling and organizing your records as soon as possible after you receive notice of divorce proceedings. In addition, this is a good time to undertake financial preparations, such as eliminating joint financial accounts and moving your finances to personal accounts.

Your attorney will be your most important resource and ally during this preparation process, as they can tell you what information you’ll need and help you to gather it. Although an exhaustive list of documents you’ll need to give to your attorney would be very long, examples of some of important documentation generally includes:

  • Any documents that can establish your income and financial status, such as bank statements, retirement account statements, tax returns, credit card statements, loan documents, and any other paperwork that can show the court your assets and debts
  • Birth certificates, medical records and bills, and insurance cards for any children of the marriage
  • School and daycare records for any children of the marriage as well as any bills that demonstrate the costs associated with education or daycare
  • Any documentation that demonstrates your past and ongoing involvement in your children’s lives

Although it’s understandable to experience a wide range of emotions when you’re served with divorce papers, remember that this is a critical time in your legal case, so it’s important not to panic or act rashly. Instead, you need to contact an experienced family law attorney who can guide you through the upcoming process with a legal strategy that protects your rights and interests along with your children.

Contact Myers Law Firm If You’ve Been Served with Divorce Papers

At Myers Law Firm, we understand that the end of a marriage is one of the most difficult events that a person can experience, so we approach every family law case with empathy and understanding to look for common ground. While we pride ourselves on our negotiation skills and will work to reach a viable compromise with the other side, we are also prepared to stand up in court and fight for your rights aggressively whenever the situation calls for it.

The attorneys at Myers Law Firm have experience handling all of the major family law issues that surround the end of a marriage, including alimony, child custody, child support, property division, and divorce. We’re here if you need help. To get in touch with us, call our offices at 888-376-2889 or fill out our online contact form today.

The content provided here is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice on any subject.

Contact Myers Law Firm

We are committed to continuing to serve our clients’ legal needs

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We are able to meet with clients and hold consultations with prospective clients via telephone or video conference. If you need to contact us, please do not hesitate; we are happy to speak with you about your situation, your needs, and how we can help.

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Five Frequently Asked Questions About North Carolina Property Division

For many couples, dividing their assets and debts is one of the most difficult, confusing, and stressful parts of a divorce. Before you panic about losing your home, car, and family heirlooms, keep reading. In this article, we’ll answer five frequently asked questions about North Carolina property division that will help you understand the process and what’s involved.

1. What Does Equitable Distribution Mean in a Divorce Case?

Equitable distribution is the process of dividing marital and divisible property in court. In a perfect world, you and your spouse would negotiate the division of your marital property without a judge’s involvement. Of course, most spouses don’t divorce if they’re finding it easy to cooperate. If you can’t come to an agreement (which is not out of the ordinary), the court will schedule a hearing and divide your marital property using a theory of equitable distribution. Marital property includes both assets and debts.

Based on this theory, a judge will split your property 50-50 unless such a split would be inequitable or unfair. When a judge assesses the fairness of a split, they consider a series of factors, some of which are:

  • Each spouse’s income, debts, and property
  • How long the marriage lasted and each spouse’s age
  • Ways in which a spouse directly or indirectly contributed to the other’s educational and professional opportunities
  • A custodial parent’s need to occupy or own the marital home or other household items
  • Both spouses’ physical and mental health
  • Tax consequences related to the property division
  • Any other factors that are “just and proper”

Note that the court will not consider child support and alimony payments when dividing marital property.




2. What Is Marital Property and How Much Is It Worth?

For the purposes of property division, courts classify property into three categories:

Marital Property
This category includes any income, assets, property, and debts that you accumulated during the marriage. Marital property can include wages, pension and retirement funds, investment accounts, real estate, personal property, mortgages, car loans, and credit card bills.

Separate Property
Your spouse typically does not get a share of your separate property, which includes your pre-marriage assets and debts as well as gifts or inheritances that someone specifically gave to one spouse and not the other.

It’s important to note that separate property can transform into marital property if you commingle it, meaning mix it with marital assets. For example, if you use an inheritance to buy a jointly-titled asset, it might become marital property. If your spouse is trying to claim a share of your separate property, you should contact a lawyer immediately.

RELATED ARTICLE: How to Protect Gifts and Inheritances in a Divorce

Divisible Property
There’s always some time that passes between when spouses separate and when the court gets around to handling property distribution, and this category exists to deal with assets that the spouses receive during that period as well as assets that change in value during that period. Note that an asset that was earned before the date of separation will still count as divisible property if it’s received after separation.

Once you identify your marital and divisible property, you need to determine its value. Early on in your divorce, both spouses will need to complete an affidavit of equitable distribution that outlines their assets and the fair-market value of those assets as well as any debts. While some values are easy to set, valuing complicated assets like small businesses may require help from an expert.

To decide the value of items in an equitable distribution case, the judge will refer to the fair market value. The law defines fair market value as the price that a willing buyer would pay a willing seller for the item in question when neither is under a compulsion to buy or sell the property. The fair market value doesn’t mean what was paid for a specific item when it was initially bought five years ago (purchase price), nor does it mean the price someone would pay if they went out and bought the item new (replacement value).

3. Can a Prenuptial Agreement Protect My Assets?

Nuptial agreements can occur either before (prenuptial) or during a marriage (postnuptial). In a nuptial agreement, you and your spouse define which property is marital and which is separate. This can streamline your property division process if you divorce.

However, not every nuptial agreement is valid. You can dispute the validity of a nuptial agreement if you didn’t enter it voluntarily, if it was based on fraud or misrepresentations, or if it wasn’t properly signed.

RELATED ARTICLE: How Do Prenuptial and Postnuptial Agreements Affect Divorce?

Even if you don’t have a nuptial agreement, you can still negotiate a separation agreement, which is an out-of-court property settlement that divides marital and divisible property and identifies separate property. A separation agreement can also resolve child custody and support issues. However, keep in mind that once you enter a separation agreement, it will become legally binding and won’t be easy to change. You should always get advice from a lawyer before you enter a separation agreement.

4. Who Gets to Stay in Our House?

If you have minor or dependent children, the parent who has primary physical custody may get to stay in the marital home. However, that spouse will need to consider whether they can afford to pay the remaining mortgage and other costs before trying to stay in the house. Sometimes, the best option for both parties is to sell the marital home and divide the proceeds.

5. My Spouse’s Behavior Caused Our Divorce — Does That Impact Their Property Share?

Typically, North Carolina courts don’t consider fault when they divide your marital property. You won’t get a bigger share of property or get to keep the house because your spouse cheated on you, as an example.

However, your spouse’s misconduct might affect alimony and spousal support. For instance, North Carolina courts typically won’t grant alimony to a spouse who engaged in illicit sexual behavior (meaning they cheated or had an affair) during the marriage.

RELATED ARTICLE: How Does Alimony Work in North Carolina?

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Myers Law Firm: Experienced Divorce Lawyers for Clients in Charlotte and Mecklenburg County

If you’re considering a separation or your spouse recently filed for divorce, you need to understand your legal options. At Myers Law Firm, our respected divorce lawyers can help guide you through difficult family law issues with compassion and make sure your rights are protected. To schedule your initial consultation, fill out our quick and easy online contact form or call us at 888-376-2889. We’re here if you need help.

The content provided here is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice on any subject.

Contact Myers Law Firm

We are committed to continuing to serve our clients’ legal needs

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We are able to meet with clients and hold consultations with prospective clients via telephone or video conference. If you need to contact us, please do not hesitate; we are happy to speak with you about your situation, your needs, and how we can help.

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Child's Welfare

As a parent, your child’s welfare is your top priority. If you’re going through a divorce and you’re worried that your child might be at risk of harm under the other parent’s supervision, you might want to shield your child from the other parent and get sole child custody on a temporary basis.

The laws that govern this type of situation can be confusing to parents, so we’ll try to clear them up for you. In this article, we’ll talk about how to get temporary or emergency custody of a child in North Carolina, and we’ll also discuss when sole custody is a long-term option.

When Can I Get Temporary or Emergency Custody of My Child in North Carolina?

During a divorce, most parents agree to an informal child custody arrangement before the final child custody hearing, when the court issues an order that determines custody from that point on. However, sometimes a parent’s behavior puts a child in danger or unfairly limits the other parent’s custody time.

In these circumstances, a judge in North Carolina might award temporary or emergency custody. While they sound similar, temporary child custody and emergency custody are actually different.

  • Emergency custody: To get emergency custody, you must show that shared or joint custody would put your child at serious risk for injury, abuse, abduction, or removal from North Carolina. Getting emergency custody can be a complicated and contentious process. If you need emergency custody, it’s in your best interest to immediately contact a Charlotte child custody lawyer.
  • Temporary parenting arrangement: While temporary custody procedures vary from county to county, Mecklenburg Count awards temporary custody through a temporary parenting arrangement. Your situation might qualify for temporary custody if there’s evidence the other parent is denying you access to your child, if there are legitimate mental health or substance abuse concerns, or if a parent is moving. Temporary parenting arrangements are also available when one parent goes on a military deployment.

Typically, the court will schedule a temporary custody hearing two to four weeks after you file a petition. These hearings tend to last about an hour.

You can also petition for emergency custody through a domestic violence protective order. However, such an order can only control custody or visitation for a temporary period of at most one year.

It’s important to understand that you should never simply take your child or deny the other parent access to your children unless you either have the support of a court order or you have serious, legitimate concerns about the safety of your child with the other parent. Abducting your child or refusing to share parenting time can lead to you losing custody or facing criminal charges, especially if you can’t prove there was an imminent danger to the child.

If you need help with an urgent child custody matter in Charlotte or Mecklenburg County, get in touch with us right away.

Will a Temporary Parenting Arrangement Affect My Right to Permanent Child Custody?

In Mecklenburg County, temporary parenting arrangements will generally control the custody arrangement until the final trial for permanent custody. When the judge finally creates the permanent order, they can make any alterations they want — they aren’t required to keep the same stipulations from the temporary agreement. If there was evidence of poor parenting decisions or other misconduct while the temporary parenting arrangement was in effect, your child custody lawyer should bring these issues up again at the final child custody hearing.

RELATED: 7 Mistakes That Can Hurt Your Child Custody Case

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Understanding the Types of Child Custody

Before we address sole custody and the grounds of sole custody, it’s important to understand the two types of North Carolina child custody.

  • Legal custody: The right to make important long-term life decisions for your child, such as directing their education, healthcare, and religious upbringing
  • Physical custody: The right to supervise your child on a day-to-day basis and make routine decisions for them

Parents can have sole or joint custody of the child for both types of custody. Sole custody is when one parent has full control of legal custody, physical custody, or both; joint custody is when both parents share custody. Joint custody can take many forms and can range from one parent having primary custody (meaning the child is with that parent the majority of the time) and the other having secondary custody or the parents having a schedule that is almost equal. It’s not uncommon for one parent to have sole legal custody of the child while the parents have some sort of joint physical custody arrangement.

Ideally, you and your child’s other parent will negotiate a child custody agreement outside of court. However, this isn’t always possible. If you can’t come to an agreement, a judge will review your case and award custody based on the best interests of the child.

How Do I Get Sole Custody of My Child in North Carolina?

To get sole custody of a child, you must show that joint legal or physical custody is either impossible, impractical, or would put your child’s welfare at risk. While most people associate sole custody with contentious breakups or abusive situations, a court might also decide that sole custody is in a child’s best interests if one parent hasn’t played a role in the child’s life or hasn’t sought custody.

The court also has ways to address situations where one parent works irregular hours, travels frequently for work, lives out of state, or is otherwise unable to consistently parent and care for the child. In these cases, the judge may order a schedule that places the child with one parent the majority of the time. Meanwhile, the other parent gets visitation that works with that parent’s schedule or that minimizes the child missing school if travel is required.

Getting sole physical and legal custody can be difficult without help from an experienced child custody lawyer. If you have legitimate concerns about the other parent’s ability and willingness to care for your child, contact Myers Law Firm for a confidential case evaluation. We can help you understand your rights and talk you through your custody options.

Myers Law Firm: Advocates for Parents and Children in North Carolina

At Myers Law Firm, our goal is to protect both parents and children during a breakup or divorce. We work closely with our clients, taking time to understand their concerns, developing personalized legal strategies that meet their needs, and vigorously fighting for their rights.

While we pride ourselves in handling child custody issues peaceably and with compassion, we’re committed to protecting your rights and advocating for your child’s best interests above any other concern. To schedule your initial consultation, please call our Charlotte office toll-free at 1-888-376-ATTY (2889) or get in touch with us using our online contact form.

The content provided here is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice on any subject.

Contact Myers Law Firm

We are committed to continuing to serve our clients’ legal needs

Single Divider

We are able to meet with clients and hold consultations with prospective clients via telephone or video conference. If you need to contact us, please do not hesitate; we are happy to speak with you about your situation, your needs, and how we can help.

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Eight Healthy Strategies That Can Help You Alleviate and Redirect Stress

If you’ve gone through a divorce or you’re currently going through one, you know that it’s one of the most difficult challenges a person can face. Divorce can leave you feeling lost, confused, overwhelmed, and stressed. To help you cope with these feelings and restore some sense of normalcy, we’ve compiled a list of eight healthy strategies that can help you alleviate and redirect stress during this difficult time.

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Equitable Distribution

Going through a divorce is an emotionally straining and frustrating experience that affects many aspects of your life. As you go through your married life, you accumulate assets together, like bank and retirement accounts, car titles, and mortgages. When the decision to end the marriage occurs, those assets must be divided.

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Foster Care Children's Bill of Rights

This is Part 2 of a recent article that I wrote for the NCAJ Trial Briefs magazine regarding recent laws passed by the North Carolina General Assembly which affect family law and divorce issues.

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North Carolina General Assembly

This is Part 1 of a recent article that I wrote regarding recent laws passed by the North Carolina General Assembly which affect family law and divorce issues.  Part 2 will be coming soon.

The recent legislative session of the North Carolina General Assembly was notable for many reasons and brought a lot of attention to the State of North Carolina.  While one high profile bill that was passed in the area of family law garnered a good bit of national attention, there were several others that could significantly impact family law practitioners.  The following is a summary of new laws that were enacted during the long session of the 2013 General Assembly that may impact you in your representation of domestic clients.

Uniform Deployed Parents Custody and Visitation Act

One comprehensive piece of legislation was the adoption of the Uniform Deployed Parents Custody and Visitation Act .  This law amends N.C.G.S. §§ 50-13.2 and 50-13.7A, and creates a new Article 3 in Chapter 50A.  This law became effective October 1, 2013.

The first section of the new law amends N.C.G.S. § 50-13.2 by adding a new subsection (f).  This new subsection prohibits a court that is making a custody determination from considering past military deployment or possible future deployment as the only basis in determining what is in the child’s best interest (emphasis added).  The new subsection does allow the court to consider past or possible future deployment that has any significant impact on the best interest of the child.  In practical terms, the result is that the court cannot use past or future deployments as the only basis for a custody decision, but may use it as one of several factors.  Furthermore, if the past or future deployments have a significant impact on the child’s best interest the factor may be weighed more heavily.

The second section of the new law repeals § 50-13.7A.  These were the previous provisions regarding custody and visitation for military members.  These provisions are replaced by the much more comprehensive provisions in section three of the law.

Section 3 of the law creates a new Article 3 in Chapter 50A, titled the Uniform Deployed Parents Custody and Visitation Act.  The Uniform Act is broken down into four parts.  Part 1 of the Act are the “General Provisions” and begins with an outline of 18 various definitions used throughout the Uniform Act.  While most of the definitions are standard and should be reviewed by the family law practitioner, there are a few worth mentioning.  “Caretaking authority” is defined as “the right to live with and care for a child on a day-to-day basis, including physical custody, parenting time, right to access, and visitation.”   “Custodial responsibility” is defined as “a comprehensive term that includes any and all powers and duties relating to caretaking authority and decision-making authority for a child.  The term includes custody, physical custody, legal custody, parenting time, right to access, visitation, and the authority to designate limited contact with a child.”   Another definition to note is that “record” is specifically defined as “information that is inscribed on a tangible medium or that is stored in an electronic or other medium and is retrievable in perceivable form.”

Part 1 of the Act includes a provision for attorney fees “and other appropriate relief” to be assessed if a party acts in bad faith or intentionally fails to comply with the requirements of the Act.   Part 1 also requires that an issuing court have jurisdiction pursuant to the UCCJEA, but provides that deployment does not change the residence of deploying parent.

Furthermore, Part 1 requires a deploying parent to provide notice to the other parent of a pending deployment not later than seven days after the deploying parent receives notice of deployment unless the parent is prevented from providing notice due to “circumstances of service”, and then notice must be provided as soon as reasonably possible.   The notice required under this provision must be provided in a “record”.  The deploying parent also must provide other parent with a plan for fulfilling that parent’s share of custodial responsibility.  If a person to whom custodial responsibility has been assigned during a parent’s deployment moves, then notice must be provided to the deployed parent and any other person with custodial responsibility, and notice must be provided to the court if there is a court proceeding.

Part 2 of the Act allows parents to enter into a temporary agreement granting custodial responsibility during one parent’s deployment.  The agreement must be in writing and signed by both parents and any nonparent who is given custodial responsibility.   The statute outlines a non-exclusive list of items that may be included in an agreement.   If there is an existing court order for custody or child support, the agreement must be filed with the court.

Part 3 of the Act outlines the judicial procedures after a parent receives notice of deployment.  Either parent can seek a judicial order after notice of deployment and the court may only enter a temporary order, unless the deploying parent agrees to a permanent order.   The hearing is to be expedited  and testimony by electronic means is allowed, unless the court finds good cause to require personal appearance.   A prior judicial order which contains provisions for deployment must be enforced unless the circumstances require modification and the court must enforce prior written agreement between parents unless agreement found to be contrary to best interests of child.

The statute allows for the court to grant caretaking authority to a nonparent who is an adult family member of the child or an adult with whom the child has a close and substantial relationship.   This grant of authority is limited by the language “in accordance with the laws of this State….”  In this author’s opinion, this limitation makes most of the provisions in Section 3 either invalid or extremely limited.  The current North Carolina law in the area of third party custody is limited to situations where parents are alleged and proven to be unfit, neglectful or have acted inconsistent with their parental rights.

If the other parent will not agree to this third party, the court is limited to allowing the third party only the time allowed the deploying parent by a current order or “the amount of time the deploying parent habitually care for the child.”   The statute also allows the court to grant decision-making authority to this third party to an adult family member or person with whom the child has a close and substantial relationship and the court must be specific about the powers being granted.  Any nonparent is made a party to the action until the grant of authority is terminated.

The statute allows an order to outline contact for the child with the nonparent  and outlines certain factors each order must contain, in addition to being only a temporary order.

Part 4 of the new statute contains the termination provisions.  An agreement under the new law terminates upon further agreement by the parents or 60 days after the deploying parent provides notice that he or she has returned from deployment.   If an order was entered by a court, the order terminates by agreement of the parties  or 60 days after the deployed parent provides notice of return.

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No Social Security Number of Absolute Divorce

One piece of legislation that was passed was overdue.  With Session Law 2013-93, the General Assembly removed the provisions N.C.G.S. § 50-8 which required that the plaintiff in a divorce proceeding provide his/her social security number and the social security number of the defendant, if known, in a complaint for absolute divorce and a judgment of divorce.

This law was effective when it became law on June 12, 2013.

Entireties Property Presumed to be Marital Property

With Session Law 2013-103 , N.C.G.S. § 50-20 was amended to include the presumption that real property acquired after marriage and before separation as a tenancy by the entireties is marital property, no matter what source of funds was used to acquire the property.  The “marital gift presumption” has been a part of North Carolina equitable distribution law since at least 1985.

McLeod v. McLeod, 74 N.C.App. 144, 327 S.E.2d 910, review denied, 314 N.C. 331, 333 S.E.2d 488 (1985).  This same bill also amended the definition of divisible property to clarify that passive increase and decreases in marital debt and financing charges and interest related to marital debt are divisible  (emphasis added).  This change makes it clear that active increases and decreases are not divisible (emphasis added).

The content provided here is for informational purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice on any subject.

Contact Myers Law Firm

We are committed to continuing to serve our clients’ legal needs

Single Divider

We are able to meet with clients and hold consultations with prospective clients via telephone or video conference. If you need to contact us, please do not hesitate; we are happy to speak with you about your situation, your needs, and how we can help.

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